christmas songs blah blah blah

me and my mate chris decided to write a christmas song blog..........

*to save you time fairy tale of new york is not on this list

so here is mine and chris' list of the best christmas songs ever. its a group of ten songs and in no particular order. we all know shaky is the best and if you disagree you are an absolute butt wagon and dont understand christmas (i'm stressed cos i am running out of time and i am taking it out on you the reader you utter twat) anyways back to what we were on about, christmas songs was it? or am i writing about animals in hats again?

thats a cat in a christmas hat. fitting i think 

anyways back to the list, i've not checked the videos so they might not work but you'll get the gist

shakin stevens.....

dave - this song makes me feel like christmas

chris - *chris is currently playing pinball on the xbox

wham

dave - george michael is class, this song is class, wham were class. end of!

chris - *chris is currently playing pinball on the xbox

the waitresses

dave - i'm running out of time to make comments

chris - *chris is currently playing pinball on the xbox

mariah carey

dave - i'm running out of time to make comments

chris - *chris is currently playing pinball on the xbox

both - mariah is fit as we'll put some pics at the end of the blog

paul mccartney

dave - i'm running out of time to make comments

chris - *chris is currently playing pinball on the xbox

elton john

dave - i'm running out of time to make comments

chris - *chris is currently playing pinball on the xbox

east 17

dave - i'm running out of time to make comments

chris - *chris is currently playing pinball on the xbox

frankie goes to hollywood

dave - i'm running out of time to make comments

chris - *chris is currently playing pinball on the xbox

tom jones & cerys matthews

dave - i'm running out of time to make comments

chris - *chris has paused xbox - cerys is fit, tom jones pervs on her 

chris rea

we've ran out of ideas so have gone for local pride

up the boro

cant wait for amelia lily's version next christmas

wooo parmo for christmas dinner etc...

the dog needs a hat 

merry christmas :) #seasonsgreetings

*additional material by paul morton 

politics

after my rant earlier i thought i would carry on this new serious theme of my blog.....

so who is the greatest leader the world has ever seen?

here are my nominations! 

1.kim jong il.

did you know... 

at the moment of his birth, a bright star lit up the sky, the seasons spontaneously changed from winter to spring, and rainbows appeared.

In 1994, it was reported by Pyongyang media outlets that Kim Jong Il shot 38 under par on a regulation 18-hole golf course – including 5 holes in one! That score is 25 shots better than the best round in history, and is made even more amazing by the fact that it was his first time playing the sport.

For a few years in the early 1990s, it was confirmed by Hennessy that Kim Jong Il was it’s best customer, spending about $600,000 to $850,000 annually on the liquor.

this is just scratching the surface of the great man. 

lets be honest there is only one person who can compete here....

did you know that he is so intelligent that in his own words...

"I have little hair because my brain is so big it pushes the hair out"

kim jong il probably wins though.

and while i'm talking politics did you know that hitler was actually a cat. thats a fact! look....

also the adverts that have been on in the background while i've been doing this have reminded me how fit ginger girls are

rant!

so currently we are supposed to be living in the information age. this is something i love. at my fingertips i can find something out, about anything at any time. when i'm sat in the pub wanting to know who was top scorer in division 1 in the 94/95 season (John aldridge with 22 goals for tranmere) or when i'm sat at home wanting to know what else that actor in that film i am watching has been in. i can find these things out in 30 seconds flat.

so i get wound up when i see people making statements in their status' on facebook and getting facts totally wrong. usually repeating something they have read in the paper or on someone elses status (Copy & Paste this if you think something stupid etc...) there have been a few of these recently relating to poppies.

firstly a lot of people talking about fifa banning the england team from wearing poppies. and secondly a specific copy and paste status that is being spread around facebook at the minute.

ok to my first point, fifa banning the england team from wearing poppies during the upcoming match with spain. this is something that has been totally blown out of all proportion. its a simple case of there being a rule banning teams from wearing "any political, religious or commercial messages"  this is nothing against england or the poppy or the reasons behind it. this is just fifa having one simple rule in place for all countries, stopping anything of this sort. it doesnt take much to find this out. i typed "fifa ban poppy" into google and it was in the 3rd paragraph of the first article that i saw. people read the headline or overhear someone talk about it and they jump to conclusions. they like to think that people have something against us as a country, they like to think that someone has to do something wrong in a situation. sometimes things just dont work out as we want them to, in this case fifa had a rule in place that didnt allow the england team to wear poppies on their shirts during a match. its a shame but its not the end of the world. those players who want to wear poppies will do so in interviews, during training and in their own time.

ok so the second one that has wound me up is a horrible status that i have seen a couple of people put on their facebook profiles......

I'M DISGUSTED AT THIS COUNTRY In May 2010 Tohseef Shah spray painted a British War Memorial with "islam will dominate osama is coming" he was fined £50 & walked free from court. In November 2010, Emdadur Choudhury burned a Poppy during the 2mins silence. He too was given a £50 fine and walked free from court. Today, 2 men have been sentenced to 12 months in prison for spray painting a Poppy on a mosque. Welcome to the Great British justice system. Disgusting.... Who's brave enough to Copy & Paste this only those who think Great Britain is no longer in control!


there are a few things that i presume about this status and where it started. i'm gonna keep that to myself though as i have no proof. but there are many things that i can complain about with it though. i'm gonna list these points below to make it a little clearer and to make sure  i get my point across properly.

1. Tohseef Shah received a two-year conditional discharge and was ordered to pay £500 compensation to the council along with £85 costs. He did not receive only a £50 fine as claimed in the above message.
Tohseef Shah got away with the sentencing he did because of a lack of evidence. he was charged with what he could be charged with.

2.  The two men in question, did not get 12 months in prison for “just” spray painting a Poppy on a mosque as the status claims. They also defaced a nearby shop, a guest house, and threw bricks through the upstairs window of  the shop. It was pure luck rather than judgement that there wasn’t a child behind that window.
 Ironically, the shop they defaced and vandalised was selling Remembrance Day poppies at the time of the attack. There was sufficient evidence available for them to prosecute and they got the sentencing they deserved.

the british justice system is based on evidence and that is what these cases were based on. Choudhury's fine probably was too small, but this is what a judge felt it deserved. this has nothing to do with race or religion as this status likes to insinuate.

it does nobody any favours and is just racist cunts using the poppy to get their horrid message across.

i'd like to point out now that i dont agree with anything that choudhury, shah or the two men from hartlepool did. i just wanted to show that with a couple of google searches i could provide a much more balanced argument.

i guess the point i am trying to make here is dont believe everything you see somebody write or hear somebody say. get the facts for yourself and then make a decision about something. you wont sound so stupid then.

and if you have said something about fifa being nazi's or the british justice system being out of control because of these things and i have read it, then i can tell you now, i have looked at the facts and you are an idiot.

and back again

its weird how one conversation can put you back to square one. how you think you've been doing so well and then back we go to silly head again. why am i so bothered, why do i care so much. silly questions going through my head. i'll write a proper blog tomorrow i think

aims for the next year....

reet just so i dont forget i am going to write down everything i plan to do by the end of 2012. some of them should happen a LOT sooner though......

walk the coast to coast again
get fit
quit smoking
write something
record an album
make a music video
get my own place again
build up work
be happy
see everyone i love
sort my life out

why is everything so complicated?

needs a hat 

glastonbury i love you

well its been a while since i wrote a blog. guess i've had other things on my mind, but over the last week or so i went to the one place i love more than any where else. this was gonna be like a diary of my time there but has kinda turned into a love letter to it, using this year as an example of why i love it so much.

4 years ago after i'd had a few shit things happen to me a friend loaned me the money and convinced me to buy a ticket to glastonbury festival of performing arts. this is without doubt the best thing anyone has ever done for me and i will never be able to thank her enough for that. my first night there i fell in love with the place. every minute i have spent there since i have loved it a little more. 

when you are there everything is different, the real world doesnt matter as much. i can hear people now, as they are reading this, saying "its only a music festival, whats the fuss". i used to be one of those people, i used to say i couldnt be arsed going all that way, sitting on a bus all that time just for a festival. but its more, its another world, you get caught up in another way of life, a better way of life. 

so lets fast forward to this year, yeah theres been a few shit things happen, but i'm not gonna dwell on that, its been worse for others and lot of the shit i have only watched from the outside, and in the great scheme of things i'm pretty lucky, but lets just say i was in need of a trip to my favourite place, to forget it all and immerse myself in a better way of life. the day we were leaving i was worried i had built it up too much. it couldnt be this good, it couldnt sort out my head. 

it did. i had so much fun with some of my best friends, saw things i never thought i would see. on wednesday i laughed so much it hurt my face, and it still does now. it was amazing, i did things i cant  do in the real world and totally let go. i am now closer to some people. have shared moments with people that will go to the grave with me, and there's moments i still cant remember. i was witness to the world high 5 record attempt and saw someone fall over for not joining in. i watched the sun rise over the most beautiful view there is, showed people places they never even imagined existed. i was so happy i cried. laughed some more and realised that it will all be ok, that the shit stuff that happens in the real world happens and i move on from it. i met new people and talked through the night. i saw the possibly the best gig i have ever seen and had possibly the best day i have ever had. and the only days and gigs that come close have happened at glasto too. this year i saw only a few bands and was lucky with nearly all of them. i wont go into the details of everything here. there's no need. glastonbury is different for everyone that goes.  for some people the mud and the camping might be too much, and thats a real shame.but for those who can handle roughing it a bit. ignore how much i go on about it. ignore where i say is the best place to go. just go and find out for yourself, cos you might end up wiriting a silly emotional blog, with tears in your eyes as you listen back and realise its 728 days before you go back to the place where everything is right. 

thank you amy x 

the glamorous life of a musician.

early start. half day of work. pick everyone up. drive 200 miles, through traffic jams and past maaaatlock, get confused by 1 way systems. get to gig. soundcheck then sit in the van while michael shouts at people.
play mint gig. wait for shite band after us to finish. set off home. drive 300 miles cos you get lost. find new way. find closed road. confuse workies. have stupid argument at macdonalds. have biggest laughs at services. wonder how you are still awake. then drop everyone off. get home. exhausted. but wide awake due to the sugary drinks to keep you awake on the road. watch crap tv. write crap blog. would i change it? would i fuck!

plans

today is a day that i had planned for a while. i had ideas for presents and things to do. grand gestures and little surprises. how the world changes ey. i'm making plans for other things now. gonna start again. it'll be good again too.

i've spent the last couple of minutes talking to a midget. he doesnt have proper arms either, he's a good lad though.

this weekend i get a trip away then come home to what is a very big day for my band. it should be very exciting.

wondering where to go from here though. how do i start again? what new plans can i make? its a funny old world sometimes

there's always a 3rd way

so i'm starting today writing my 3rd type of blog, there's been the weird possibly funny inner workings of my strange little mind with wild accusations, odd stories and pictures of animals in hats. then there's been the feeling sorry for myself really depressing cries for help. i apologise for the second type, i've been a right moody twat recently, but i found some of my confidence behind the settee this morning and i promise you wont get one of those from me again.

so a wise man once drunkenly stated that there is ALWAYS a third way. he scared some people and argued with others but on this occasion he is right, only for this though, not all the time, dont get your hopes up sunshine!

my third way of writing a blog is to talk about something i believe in. and for me this is the alternative vote. i am going to vote YES. i am not writing this to tell you you have to vote yes too, to be fair i'm not sure half the people who read this blog are allowed to vote either due to the fact your not from the uk or because you are deemed mentally unstable or possibly because it seems that most of the hits i have got on this blog seem to be for one picture of jose mourinho.....

just look at him, i'm actually getting a little confused about my feelings for him, but thats for another blog, i've got sidetracked here, back to my point....

i'm not saying you should vote yes, thats your decision, i'm just giving the reasons i am voting yes and then letting you decide for yourselves. for me it comes down to one simple reason. the voting system in this country is currently flawed in that there are more people who dont want the ruling party in than there are people who do. under AV the winning candidate will be the one that most people are happy with. i could try and explain how it all works but whats the point there are others out there who can do it better than me.

also i will try and sway you a little by naming 3 groups of people who dont want AV...... the tories, the bnp, the daily mail.....

i drove a band on tour last weekend. that was tiring, i was in the presence of a man who thought he had shit himself on 2 seperate occasions, i slept in my van for 2 nights, and among the many other things i ate a pretty much a whole tesco value cheesecake

wow i just got interrupted there by someone coming into my office and buying something, i had some work to do, if only that happened more often, my head might not be the mess that it is! 

anyways back to the tour, turns out your allowed to party on the beach at portsmouth! its mint! 

and another thing dont worry too much about my mourinho thing as one day i will marry this woman 

also is anyone else aware of the sky channel called QUEST? i am always disappointed when i skip past it as i almost always stop thinking it is uk conquest and i am finally gonna see an episode of skirmish.

wow this has been a long blog for me. i think i have actually covered all 3 blog types in this one blog, does that make it a 4th way, a kind of all of the above selection. well there you go chris, there's actually always a 4th way, so suck on that. 

oh by the way in 48 days time i will be in glastonbury! 

get in. 

and to finish i again had chicken fajitas for tea as mentioned in a previous blog here. it was even nicer this time 

ps supporting lady gaga next week!

listen please - royal wedding special

so i share an office with an accountant who runs a business called argot accounting. he is away this week so i am stuck answering his phone and taking messages.
i have i just had a very long conversation with  a silly old woman who did not want to listen to what i said. it went a little something like this.....

me: good morning argot accounting dave speaking
woman: why is it so hard to get hold of you's?
me: erm can i help?
woman: yeah i want to return something to your shop, its broken.
me: ah i think you want argos, we are argot accounting, nothing to do with argos.
woman: its a fish fryer, i only got it in january, and its broken already.
me: i understand that, but we are argot accounting, nothing to do with argos.
woman: you see it actually broke about a month ago, but i couldnt find the box. could i return it without the box?
me: i wouldnt know, this isnt argos.
woman: its ok though as i have found the box now. thats why i am trying to return it now.
me: well that should be better, if you get in touch with ARGOS they should be able to help you.
woman: can you put me through to the store in the hill street centre?
me: no i'm sorry i dont know there number and we have nothing to do with them
woman: why is it so hard to get through to the store i want, all i want to do is return this fish fryer
me: this is not argos
woman: can i just bring it to the store now

at this point i put the phone down. she called back so i told her "fuck off this is not argos" she seemed offended. this is a genuinely true story and this is about the 3rd time this has happened to me when i have been answering the phones here

also a true story, the royal wedding tomorrow is in doubt, after it has come out that ryan giggs has actually been banging kate middleton. we'll still get the holiday though so its all good

another true story. prince harry and prince phillip accidentally killed a prostitute on williams stag do, it was a blinding night though and its not like they havent done it before

he got the 4th medal along for being racist once on a trip to china. and see them swirly things on his shoulder? yeah? up there in the picture? he wears them cos they look pretty!

and if you pull on the rope he turns back into a reptile. its called his 'emergency return switch' all shape shifting reptilians have them. some are a little less obvious though. for example anthea turner has a small button behind her left ear, and with Dermot Murnaghan you have to punch him in the face.

so the first story i told was true, the others may or may not have been. who knows, i know i certainly dont!

this is a frog in a hat

this is a dog in a frog 

strawberry jam rules

its better than raspberry jam.

talahassee is a good name for a band. well as long as it is the right band. tip tree scarlett strawberry jam is well expensive.

this picture amuses me.

today i got a haircut, had a breakdown and hopefully saw the light. 

tonight i will make music. 

this weekend i will meet new people

i will see my brother and niece and nephews

apparently someone is getting married on friday

i get the day off

this is a list

are you still reading? 

i've switched back to left justify

come dine with me is on the telly

one of the women on it is drunk 

the bloke commentating just said another woman had a fat arse! 

i will soon have the internet at home so can write more blogs

i should wrap this up now 

or should i

are you really still reading

did you know that elton john is a cyborg and rod stewart is a lizard person?

1 step forward a million steps back

not wrote a blog for a few days cos my head is spinning. this is gonna be one of those ones where i dont write nonsense, where i dont write about a dog in a hat, where i spill the contents of my silly little head.

i am sad, feeling down, not knowing where i am going, i am winding myself up over things i cant control and wondering where all my confidence has gone. i am wondering where it all went wrong. what i did wrong and why i cant get this one thing out of my head. why am i so bothered about it? why do i feel so lonely? why do i still want back the one thing that has made me hurt so much for the last month?

i need to get away, meet new people, see new things. i need to get a good nights sleep and forget it all, i need to not write shit like this and make myself look like a pathetic fool.

i need aims and goals and to find myself again. i need a haircut. i need to get off facebook where i endlessly look to see what is going on, or where i put out some vaguely disguised depressing self pitying status in the hope i will get a text asking if i am ok. i really should delete all this but i still want someone to reach out to me and tell me its all gonna be ok and the time i needed has passed.

this is a cat in a hat

he looks rather dapper

Ryan giggs has been a naughty boy....

or so i've heard. in other football news i ruined a match for everyone last night by turning up to watch it at half time when there had been 5 goals in the first half so obviously there was only 1 in the second. so i've been struggling to to think of things to write this blog about, i've spent the last couple of days with my brain refusing to think of anything. i thought i'd mention that. some bloke on the radio just pronounced toilet, turlet. whats that all about?

ooh i put the lottery on last night, i wonder if i won.

nah i didnt!

so back to football, i also saw madrid beat barcelona in the spanish cup last night. i like this because i like jose mourinho. maybe a little too much. i think i probably would you know!

after the match in a fit of anger, because someone had asked him the time even though they knew the battery had gone in his watch, real madrid player sergio 'i miss my watch' ramos threw the spanish cup off the top of the team bus. this was made easier as it was a convertable bus and had its roof down cos it was a warm evening.

he then proceeded to rant about his issues with cats. he was spotted writing in big letters on a wall at the team hotel "The inherent problem with most cats is that they are not very delicious and rarely fly through space leaving rainbow trails". jose mourinho then slapped him and sent him to bed. what a man! 

anyways hopefully over the weekend i will be able to think of something to write! 

and i didnt win the lottery :(

feeling brighter

last night i was on the radio. it was fun. a bit of a rollercoaster. i got freaked out. USE YOUR EARS HERE
I was on the radio with ste aka jake radio aka jake ray-dio aka indie jesus or something like that. he's in a band. so am i. guess our name. search for us. listen. come to a gig. please buy a cd or download or something, we REALLY need some money!

i'm using lots of full stops today for some reason.

i'm trying hard with twitter at the minute too, trying to get into it #whatsthefuckingpoint

i love my friends

i'm really annoyed with myself. i started writing this with the intention of writing about something. i thought to myself i'll start with a but of billshit and work up to the main point. but i have totally forgotten what i was gonna write about, ah well another blog will probably turn up later with that.

aparently this is me.

CORRECTION

well my text size and fonts all seemed to get mixed up in that last post. i'm not gonna change it though. would you? answer in a comment if you want. i've also noticed i seem to put lots of pictures of dogs on this blog. maybe i miss my old dog. maybe its a coincidence. anyways here is another.....

home

i'm from middlesbrough, well actually i'm from thornaby, its next to middlesbrough, i like where i am from, i know everyone, most of my friends and family are here, one of my friends wrote this CLICK ME I AM A LINK about middlesbrough.

wow look up there i put a link in my blog, i'm like a proper blogger now.

i work in redcar, its near middlesbrough too, and at the seaside. there is lots of ugly people, there are places that sell ice cream. i dont like it here. but thats only cos i come here every day to work.

Paul Daniels, born Newton Edward Daniels on 6 April 1938, is a British magician and television performer.

that was stole from wikipedia. 

paul, as he is often known, is from the southbank area of middlesbrough. 

suck on that london! 

well thats it for me keeping it local. 

THIS IS A LINK TO NOTHING CLICK IT IF YOU WANT

suicide is painless

so i'm in london with a few hours to kill. i'm skint and a bit tired so cant be bothered mooching around.
so to pass the time i have come to an internet cafe. i am sat next to a crazy man who cannot use the website he is on and is blaming the poor owner of the internet cafe.

i worry that if he reads this he will stab me in the neck. i probably shouldnt be writing this. but i am a crazy man myself! i can take him. even if he stabs me in the neck i will stand on his toe and point out he is ugly! that'll teach the crazy fucker.

anyway chances are this is my last blog before i am killed. so i am gonna post a picture to make me happy.

i wonder if i will be able to do that on an internet cafe computer.

yes i can.

now for an experiment. i'm gonna post this blog on twitter and see what happens.

wanting to tell the person you cant

i just got a 122 point word in scrabble! i should get some sort of medal for that!

the look at me conspiracy

a couple more people seem to have read this blog. i seem to have caught some bug. i want more people to look at it, why? how? who? i dont care just look at me!!! my brain seems to be going all over the place lately for reasons explained in a previous blog. you dont want to know about this though? or do you? i've never asked so many questions!

below is a picture of a well known experimental scientist having a crap. he's not particuarly well known as a scientist as it is all secret government work that he does.

true story! he told me himself!

grooming

so some bloke on facebook keeps sending me messages. asking me if i want to be a wrestler and do some training and stuff. i presumed he worked with a local wrestling company. theres a few about. but always just fobbed him off. then in a fit of boredom the other day i thought i would look into it a little more, it might be a fun way of getting fit. and its something to do.

looking at his page, he doesnt actually seem to work in anything to do with wrestling. he likes watching wrestling. he likes wrestling other men. he seems to have a thing for the bigger hairier type. i think i was in there!

why do i do this?

i dont know. it doesnt make sense. its not really about anything.
last night i tried to write a song on my computer while in bed. i woke up this morning with the wire of my headphones wrapped around my neck. to the casual observer it probably looked like some kinky suicide sex game with an unfinished 2 chord soundtrack.

i brought my dinner to work with me today. i've already eaten it. 

i might get some crisps at dinner time. 

i'm worried.

i should probably do some work. 

banned in 50 states

this dog is cooler than the last one. it reminds me very much of the musician barry manilow but cool.

a grapefruit will roll faster than an apple or an orange but banana is always the top choice.

getting it all out there is good for you but this is much more me.

have i ever told you about the time i totally didnt see stanley victor collymore? he was wearing a poncho. not like a bandito but as a waterproof accessory.

the new strokes song just came on the radio. i like it. does barry manilow? he probably doesnt read this blog so i guess we'll never know. on second thoughts maybe he does. doesnt really matter anyways. the dog doesnt particuarly look like him, i was actually thinking of that chinese actor, whats he called, you know, in all those films with the plotlines and moving pictures and other people and stuff actually i'm getting him mixed up with someone else the dog really looks like a dog i once saw that didnt have a hat on. i wonder if that dog likes the new strokes single. i'm guessing he's more of a barry manilow fan or does he prefer movies to music? he might like that actor i was thinking of.

pogo stilts

depression - a brief insight to my current state of mind

a week ago today, the girl i was seeing broke up with me. this was shit. i'm not even sure we were officially going out. it made me feel a lot of things, an idiot, hurt, sad, worried, lonely, pathetic. she did it all via text and i haven't seen her since. thats not nice. she had her reasons though and i respect that, i'm also worried about her though. i've had a lot of friends who've been brilliant and got me through a tough week. i'm not sure she has. that sounded bitchy it wasn't meant that way. i find it weird, just how much it hurts, i guess it shows how much i actually thought of her, she felt like my soulmate, but it had only been a very short time we were together, so i feel like a dick who is acting like some lovesick teenager, and yet not talking to her all day every day, not seeing her lots and sharing whats going on in our day to day lives actually hurts. i am so grateful for the few months we were together, at times i've never been happier, i felt like i was on cloud 9. but life goes on and i will too. one  very good friend told me something i really liked, he said "you met her, realised she was special, that you wanted to be with her, went for it, got it, and through no fault of your own it didnt work out, so you did good" i still love her, i always will, silly as i feel after only a few months. that is the truth.

so friends gave me advice, took me and got me pissed all weekend, lots and lots have been there for me and i really appreciate that and know that i am lucky. one of them told me to write another blog. it got it all out there (well most of it, this is what it is right now, there might be more to come or something i've forgotten)
thankfully only that friend reads this. not sure i'd want everyone to see this. i like being able to get things out there without people knowing. and if people do find this then so be it, maybe one day she will read it and know how i felt since she wont talk to me now.

but enough of all this maudlin shite i think i'm gonna get a guitar and write an album about it all

and for some reason from the start i've wanted to end with a picture of a dog in a hat 

brunch

Method
1. Slice tomatoes in half, scoop out the seeds and discard. Season the tomato shells and scatter with thyme leaves. Drizzle the tomatoes with a little olive oil and place under a preheated medium grill for ten minutes. 


2. In the meantime prepare the Hollandaise sauce. Melt the butter in a saucepan. Put the egg yolks and a splash of water into a blender or food processor, along with the lemon juice. Season well. Blend the ingredients together, slowly adding the hot butter to the mix as you go, little by little. Continue to blend until sauce thickens. Set aside. 


3. Fill a large, shallow pan with water (about 3cm deep) and bring to a simmer. Add some vinegar (1-2 tbsp per 1 litre of water) to help the eggs hold their shape. Then break four eggs into separate coffee cups (again to help maintain their shape when they're placed in the pan). Gently tip the eggs into the simmering water and poach for 2-3 minutes. 


4. Meanwhile grill the bacon slices until crispy. Slice the muffins in half and lightly toast. 


5. When ready to serve place one tomato shell on top of each muffin. Break up one slice of the grilled bacon and sprinkle into the bottom of the tomato shells. 


6. Once the eggs are poached, drain them on paper towel and place into tomato shells. Spoon a generous amount of Hollandaise sauce onto the eggs and top each with half a slice of bacon. Garnish with fresh thyme leaves.

i have never met dirk benedict

new job

so there is two old ladies stood in front of the window of the office i work in. one has a zimmer frame.

i think i would make a good pimp.

i once high fived a jaguar. this is a true story. you are jealous. 

kenny rogers beard

yesterday i had a ham and marmalade sandwich. i'll be honest it wasnt great 

its not even next week

beefy
canadian ham
cheese & onion
cream cheese & chives
perfectly unsalted
pickled onion
PRAWN COCKTAIL
sea salted
sea salt & vinegar
smokey bacon
tomato ketchup
worcester sauce
daft cunt

breakfast

this morning i was eating breakfast. i had toast and a slightly cold cup of tea.
i like toast. not as much as this girl who has drawn a picture on her slice.

i believe it is a picture of former professional golfer michael 'air' jordan.

while not an accurate depiction i believe it represents his cat like ability on his second serve.

in more important news i own a van.

when i was a small child on holiday i once saw Col Muammar Gaddafi. i didnt know who he was but my dad pointed him out. today that crazy fucker col (as his mates know him) has said he will fight any no fly zone over libya, i dont think these 2 incidents are linked in anyway. or are they? 

no.

you know those socks where they have like an individual bit for each toe?

you can get them for hands now!!!!!!

next week i will tell you all the original flavours of seabrooks crisps! 

political! 

tea

last night for my tea i had fajitas. proper class. i have had other things for my tea before.
i once went to nandos for my tea.

it was nice

blogging an that

so my mate sam has just started a blog. him telling me about his blog, made me check out doing one myself.
i have nothing of real interest to write about. i'm not a very good writer. and at a push i could probably do 20 press ups (or if you are american.... push ups)

this will more likely than not be the only post i ever put in this blog. so i might as well make it a good'un.

Romeo Challenger was the second drummer in the band Showaddywaddy. Contrary to popular belief he is not the father of professional footballer Dion Dublin. However he is close friends with Dion's father Eddie, who is also a professional drummer.

I have been to flamingo land and lightwater valley but never to alton towers. you got a problem with that?

 

this is a picture of a monkey smoking a cigar. i like to think its what i would look like if i were a cigar smoking monkey