pork flavoured tears

i'm being made to watch made in chelsea! i'm not happy.

what have i done to deserve this?

if this was a tv show it would be called "being made to watch made in chelsea" it'd mainly be me sat in the corner frantically typing while occasionally looking up at the screen and saying "fucks sake" a lot.

the rest of the show would be me planning how to kill them all! i'd start by glassing the cunt on screen now with his own champagne flute while the others watched. just as a warning to them.

they'd be given exactly one week to stop being doyles. if they didnt sort themselves out i'd start hunting them for sport. one would die each week.

i think this show would really take off.

i'd watch it if i wasn't in it.

is this acting or reality? whats going on? why do people like this?

if i hadn't been made an amazing tea and eaten my own body weight in pork i would have walked out by now!

its nothing to do with politeness i just cant move at the minute.

i really dont think i will fit in the outfit i am planning to wear on friday night any more.....

if this pitch works and "being made to watch made in chelsea" gets made then i will go on a diet cos i think that will make a nice killing suit

for fucks sake they are all doyles on this show. there's a fit ginger girl that is such a doyle i'm struggling to fancy her! 

i'm going to cry.

the pork was amazing though

christmas is coming

so its just over a month till i start thinking about what i will get people for christmas. and how i will avoid seeing them until january sales start and i can get their present cheaper.

i want a bit more cash to spend this christmas, but not for presents for friends or family.

there's a lot of people who are lonely, in need, sick and homeless. its especially hard for them at this time of year and i plan to think of them while i am having all the extra christmas nights out this idea is going to afford me......

advent calendars!

not just your usual advent calendars though.

its all got too commercial. it sickens me a little inside when i see a glee advent calendar or a bob the builder advent calendar. why is there a mars bar advent calendar and what do milky ways really have to do with christmas? i've gotta say i die a little inside when i see an eastenders advent calendar and it just makes me cry when i see kids getting excited about a news at ten advent calendar.

so i'm really looking at whats important this christmas...... ME!

this year you will be able to buy an advent calendar thats not about a tv show or a band or a movie or some chocolates.

each day you will open the door and see a picture of me and hear silky smooth voice of shakin stevens singing to you, it will brighten your day and fill my pockets

lovely stuff