i'm being made to watch made in chelsea! i'm not happy.
what have i done to deserve this?
if this was a tv show it would be called "being made to watch made in chelsea" it'd mainly be me sat in the corner frantically typing while occasionally looking up at the screen and saying "fucks sake" a lot.
the rest of the show would be me planning how to kill them all! i'd start by glassing the cunt on screen now with his own champagne flute while the others watched. just as a warning to them.
they'd be given exactly one week to stop being doyles. if they didnt sort themselves out i'd start hunting them for sport. one would die each week.
i think this show would really take off.
i'd watch it if i wasn't in it.
is this acting or reality? whats going on? why do people like this?
if i hadn't been made an amazing tea and eaten my own body weight in pork i would have walked out by now!
its nothing to do with politeness i just cant move at the minute.
i really dont think i will fit in the outfit i am planning to wear on friday night any more.....
if this pitch works and "being made to watch made in chelsea" gets made then i will go on a diet cos i think that will make a nice killing suit
for fucks sake they are all doyles on this show. there's a fit ginger girl that is such a doyle i'm struggling to fancy her!
so its just over a month till i start thinking about what i will get people for christmas. and how i will avoid seeing them until january sales start and i can get their present cheaper.
i want a bit more cash to spend this christmas, but not for presents for friends or family.
there's a lot of people who are lonely, in need, sick and homeless. its especially hard for them at this time of year and i plan to think of them while i am having all the extra christmas nights out this idea is going to afford me......
advent calendars!
not just your usual advent calendars though.
its all got too commercial. it sickens me a little inside when i see a glee advent calendar or a bob the builder advent calendar. why is there a mars bar advent calendar and what do milky ways really have to do with christmas? i've gotta say i die a little inside when i see an eastenders advent calendar and it just makes me cry when i see kids getting excited about a news at ten advent calendar.
so i'm really looking at whats important this christmas...... ME!
this year you will be able to buy an advent calendar thats not about a tv show or a band or a movie or some chocolates.
each day you will open the door and see a picture of me and hear silky smooth voice of shakin stevens singing to you, it will brighten your day and fill my pockets
i thought i wouldnt leave it as long this time, i cant decide what to write though, so i'll give you a run down of my evening and hope i think of something interesting in the mean time. tonight i have played drawsomething. ah crap yeah thats it, its all i seem to do when i'm not working at the minute. most of my drawings look like a special kid has got hold of some crayons but i'm properly addicted to playing it. i'm staying up later to play "just one more turn" then i'm tired at work the next day. then my drawings get worse cos i'm tired but it just carries on. i might need an intervention. oh i've just seen the boro score we drew with doncaster. fucks sake looks like promotion is out of the window for us now. real madrid lost tonight too, that means jose wont be very happy....
chris mentioned to me this idea recently.... what if chelsea ended up playing real in the champions league final and real won, jose denying abramovich the thing he wants most. it'd be funny as fuck.....
turning 28 was weird. since i was about 16 i have joked that i was gonna be a proper rockstar and join the 27 club.... this stopped being funny around the time i was 26. when i actually turned 28 i got a right shitty on about it. it was the age i never expected to get to. i always said i would have burned out by then with a rock n roll legacy behind me. but instead i didnt really have much to show for it. this got me proper down.
fortunately i got a new job around this time. its labouring on a building site, totally different to what i have done before. but one of the best things i have done in ages, i'm fitter than i've ever been and i've got regular money in my pocket for the first time in ages. it really tires me out though so i've not been on here as much. thats gonna change. i like writing this blog. i find it entertaining and i hope others do too. plus i need to take bort to the masses as lots of people seem to be far too serious
well they have both recently wrote blogs about the area we are from (middlesbrough) and how it seems to be looking at the parmo (local delicacy/slab of calories, tastes dead nice) as a symbol of the area.
they both put forward some very interesting ideas and reasons for this. obviously i have a better idea though.
we need a symbol of our local identity. something that encapsulates our history, our minor celebrities and our parmo.
he's called bort the boro tiger
he's a bengal tiger with the body of the middlesbrough transporter bridge, the head of local singing sensation amelia lily and he has a hat made from a parmo
a while back i decided i would think of my favourite songs from the simpsons and make a blog out of it...
these are some of my faves....
they will probably change tomorrow....
but for today this is my countdown of the top 7 and a list of those that missed out...
7. this is here for the rhyme of yokel and folk'll and cos it is awesome....
6. this is awesome, and they were so right, plus if you watch it in the episode rather than this crappy youtube video you get to see homer jumping the shark
5 i really like this one...
4 apologies for the stupid long intro on this its the best version i could find....
3 probably the best put together song they ever did from probably the best episode they ever did and yet still neither of them are my favourite. its a strange thing. genuine genius though, this is from probably the greatest episode of anything ever on tv. a brilliant story, incredibly funny and clever film references. funny from start to finish with heart. this should have been the film.
2 this made me laugh 15 years ago and it makes me laugh just as much now....
and in at number 1.......
all the knowledge i have about baseball is contained in this song....
and here's the ones that nearly made the list.....
they're not proper titles just my notes
monorail
canyonero
leader
stonecutter
skywalker
kwik e mart
cops
be sharps
maison derriere
send in the clowns
scorpio theme
mr plow
flinstones
sherry bobbins
old grey mare
sending love down the well
can i borrow a feeling
hms pinafore
apu and mccartney
proffesor frinks song
i thought i'd write a blog, i havent in a while, and those i have wrote have been about something, thats not like me. i havent really eaten in a couple of days, this isnt like a challenge or anything, just i've not been well. stomach bug, been throwing my guts up.
ooh i got a job today, well i've already got about a million jobs at the minute but this one is a full time one, its only some labouring work for a few months but its money and will get me fit i need that.
in one way its a shame though cos i've been filling my time well recently and when i start working full time again it'll be hard to fit the hours i've been spending playing computer pinball and watching gameshows.
thats a cat playing pinball
thats richard from pointless. he is awesome. i mean he's no jose but who is, but he is still awesome. judging by the picture he is the new prime minister, he got rid of the coalition by having a game of pointless as an election, cameron and clegg went out in the first round by answering david cameron for the question who's a massive cunt. apparently 100 people out of a 100 gave that answer when asked to name as many massive cunts as they could think of in 100 seconds. stupid david and nick, surely everyone knew that was gonna be a high answer. did you know that richard osmans brother was the bass player in suede? you didnt? i bet you're glad i told you. anyways i'm glad he is prime minister i think he will do a good job i'm glad i voted for him.
also i tweeted him today (look at me all down with the kids on twitter an tha! word!) as he is running the world cup of crisps #wcocr and i felt that seabrooks prawn cocktail were definitely worth a nomination for the final 32.
i also tweeted jan aage fjortoft recently. for those of you who dont know who he is. why? are you a fuckwit? or were you just not around middlesbrough in the mid 90's? i hope its the latter! anyways he is awesome, i mean he's no jose but who is, and he used to play for boro. he once kissed tim flowers, sometimes i worry that i'm the only person who remembers this. he replied to my tweet! this made me so happy :)
here is the pic of him and tim....
i believe they later married, a small private ceremony, quite beautiful really and they had a family together, two boys jan jr and tim jr.
there is every chance i made that last bit up. everything else in this blog is totally true though. and i've mentioned jose a lot too, i saw him on sky sports recently. god i love him, he might be coming back to the premiership. that would be awesome.
just so you dont get the wrong idea though, i am going to marry this girl........
just look at those eyes! in answer to her question, i'm doing whatever she wants :)
