i saw this today and realised i hadnt wrote a blog in ages...
http://www.buzzfeed.com/tabathaleggett/tiny-hats-on-cats
Tuesday 3 September 2013
Monday 22 July 2013
Broken News!
So I started writing this blog by accident and now i've become a royal publicist by accident. Around 5 minutes ago I recieved a rather important text. it said....
You have heralded the arrival of a future king of England. And have done so by naming it Doylecunt.
So I am proud to be the first one to break the news in this press release and tell you all that Prince William and his missus have had a baby king and decided to call it Doylecunt.
Everyone is fit and healthy and the sweepstake winner took home a handsome £23 for guessing the correct weight of the baby.
For those who are interested the etymolygy it's actually quite interesting with this name.
the name itself has come together over many hundreds of years through a wide and varied history.
Doy is an old yiddish word for jewish.
l'ecu is ancient french for the european currency unit
and nt is a medievel silicon valley word for network (quite a common name in the late 90's with Bill Gates' third son Windows nt gates probably being the most famous person using that name)
So as you can see the meaning of the name Doylecunt is actually Jewish currency network which for me is conclusive proof that the New world order have infultrated the english royal family and his actual surname is Rothschild.
All hail baby king Doylecunt
You have heralded the arrival of a future king of England. And have done so by naming it Doylecunt.
So I am proud to be the first one to break the news in this press release and tell you all that Prince William and his missus have had a baby king and decided to call it Doylecunt.
Everyone is fit and healthy and the sweepstake winner took home a handsome £23 for guessing the correct weight of the baby.
For those who are interested the etymolygy it's actually quite interesting with this name.
the name itself has come together over many hundreds of years through a wide and varied history.
Doy is an old yiddish word for jewish.
l'ecu is ancient french for the european currency unit
and nt is a medievel silicon valley word for network (quite a common name in the late 90's with Bill Gates' third son Windows nt gates probably being the most famous person using that name)
So as you can see the meaning of the name Doylecunt is actually Jewish currency network which for me is conclusive proof that the New world order have infultrated the english royal family and his actual surname is Rothschild.
All hail baby king Doylecunt
Monday 8 July 2013
Glastonbury is good for the soul
“Glastonbury
is good for the soul” I think I said that or maybe Ste said that. Either way on the Sunday afternoon of the festival we were sat waiting for macca to get served at a bar in the
sunshine taking in where we were. Whoever said it though they were right…
But I go on about it enough, there's the blog I wrote last time, which will do it more justice than whatever I write here so this time I wont do my usual gushing glasto i love you routine for once. this time i'm gonna talk about the bands i saw, or at least the bands i remember seeing, there are lots of bands i saw bits of as i was passing and lots i saw when i was wrecked, what i am gonna do is pick out the ones that stood out for me, both good and bad and also not bands too, there were comedians and jugglers and trapeze artists and awesome food and this one portaloo that was pristinely clean. infact i cant be bothered to even right a full blog about each individual thing that i saw, i'll ramble on for too long. lets just say the festival was amazing, chic, foals and ed harcourt all blew me away with how amazing they were. cat power and pictish trail reminded me that I can still find stuff that I haven't listened to before that is class and makes me want to go and discover more about them and other bands too. Billy Bragg makes me want to be a better person. And I saw the The Rolling fucking Stones, it was mint.
I am going to leave you with my attempt at an actual proper music review though.
So there was this pristine portaloo i found. for those of you haven't been to a festival before you maybe wont understand what a joyous experience this is 3 days into a festival. It was a beautiful moment just near the other stage. I walked up to the row of toilets with trepidation but then I opened the door and looking back at me was a freshly cleaned portaloo, shining plastic and that chemical smell you only get from industrial detergent. I stepped in and sat down and then in the background I heard a cheer as the surprise act walked on to the other stage. Beady fucking Eye, there I was in the midst of one of the rarest and most joyous festival experiences, a clean toilet and sound-tracking this for me were Beady Eye putting in a performance that Q described as 4 out of 5 but that I could only describe as.... actually give me a minute, so we have something to compare it to. Following them was something a little different from Liam Gallaghers lost swagger and fake bravado. Next up were The Hives. I saw them at the first festival I ever went to over ten years ago. That day lead singer Pelle Almqvist told the crowd how good they were and he was right. He walked on stage and welcomed everyone to the hives festival "I would like to thank all the bands that have supported us both before and after" (a phrase I have repeated many times over the last ten years in my attempt at a swedish accent, it tends to sound dutch which is impressive as i cant for the life of me do a dutch accent) I was a little nervous as they came on stage, they couldn't be as exciting as i remembered, they definitely couldn't be as funny as i remembered. I've been telling the story of that gig for over ten years. I've built it up too much. But that's the thing with The Hives, it doesn't matter how much you build them up Pelle will build them up even more. And he is right. they were fucking awesome, they were exciting, they were funny. THEY HAD FUCKING NINJAS FOR ROADIES!
Beady Eye ruined my shit!
Friday 24 May 2013
lets change the meaning
***this blog rambles on a bit, but i'm tired and i think it's worth reading on cos it makes a good point***
EDL. its just three letters. that a few years ago didn't mean much. now they stand for something bad.
so what does the EDL mean to you? racists? thugs? hooligans? people who can't see past what is infront of them looking for the easy answer and someone to blame and finding the wrong answer? scumbags?
well why does it have to mean that?
i'm gonna take a quick step back.... a few weeks ago i bumped into a friend i hadn't seen for a while who mentioned that she hadn't seen a blog from me in ages. So i went home that night and tried to write one. just couldn't think of anything to write about. so i gave up. then tried again a week later, and again couldn't think.
this last week i've had something to write about. but it's not been nice. we've all seen what happened in woolwich and the fall-out thats come from it. and i didn't want to write about all the nasty things i have seen said. i've covered that topic before in this blog http://therealbigdave.blogspot.co.uk/2012/01/sick.html when i witnessed racism first hand and it knocked me sick.
what happened to that poor lad this week was a horrific, unforgivable act that has ended a young lads life and ruined the lives of countless others that knew him and loved him and scarred the people who were unfortunate enough to witness it. and lots of horrible people have jumped on this situation and tried to use it to further their cause of hatred. people like the EDL and the BNP.
at a time when people should have been showing love and compassion towards people mourning the death of a loved one these groups have been leading the way in an out-pouring of hatred and bigotry. and that's what really boils my piss. as a country we should be supporting his family and celebrating his life but instead this has become an argument about race and religion.
so in that previous blog i wrote i talked about wanting to change peoples views to make them realise that differences people have are not bad things they are just different. i didn't know how to though.
then a while back facebook introduced me to the English Disco Lovers (https://www.facebook.com/englishdiscolovers?fref=ts) this is a group who are trying to change the meaning of those three letters. with a simple ambition of becoming the first thing you find when you search for EDL on google.
in a recent status about what happened in woolwich they said We must stand up for peace, equality and unity in order to put an end such violent actions.
that sounds like some pretty good things to stand up for to me.
i'm also lucky enough to play in a band https://www.facebook.com/bequietshoutloud?fref=ts. we're good lads, we like to have fun. our music is influenced amongst other things by disco. disco music is pretty awesome. the bass lines are amazing. we've been known to throw in the odd disco cover to our sets. people dance to them, they have a good time. and the english disco lovers - north east division seem to like us.
so now i'm in a position between playing in a band that loves disco and the english disco lovers existing to be part of something thats good, to try and spread a good message.
peace, equality, love, unity and having a good time are all things that make this world brilliant.
racism, bigotry, hatred and violence are all fucking horrible things.
so click the links i've put in this blog. join the english disco lovers, join the english disco lovers-north east division https://www.facebook.com/EnglishDiscoLoversEdlNorthEastDiscovision?fref=ts if you live where i do, or find your local division and join them. lets spread some love, lets have a good time, make sure you tell everyone you know about this and lets change the meaning of EDL to mean something better than it does right now.
.....well i've just read that back and christ i sound like a hippy. but fuck it, it's better than being a racist cunt aint it :)
EDL. its just three letters. that a few years ago didn't mean much. now they stand for something bad.
so what does the EDL mean to you? racists? thugs? hooligans? people who can't see past what is infront of them looking for the easy answer and someone to blame and finding the wrong answer? scumbags?
well why does it have to mean that?
i'm gonna take a quick step back.... a few weeks ago i bumped into a friend i hadn't seen for a while who mentioned that she hadn't seen a blog from me in ages. So i went home that night and tried to write one. just couldn't think of anything to write about. so i gave up. then tried again a week later, and again couldn't think.
this last week i've had something to write about. but it's not been nice. we've all seen what happened in woolwich and the fall-out thats come from it. and i didn't want to write about all the nasty things i have seen said. i've covered that topic before in this blog http://therealbigdave.blogspot.co.uk/2012/01/sick.html when i witnessed racism first hand and it knocked me sick.
what happened to that poor lad this week was a horrific, unforgivable act that has ended a young lads life and ruined the lives of countless others that knew him and loved him and scarred the people who were unfortunate enough to witness it. and lots of horrible people have jumped on this situation and tried to use it to further their cause of hatred. people like the EDL and the BNP.
at a time when people should have been showing love and compassion towards people mourning the death of a loved one these groups have been leading the way in an out-pouring of hatred and bigotry. and that's what really boils my piss. as a country we should be supporting his family and celebrating his life but instead this has become an argument about race and religion.
so in that previous blog i wrote i talked about wanting to change peoples views to make them realise that differences people have are not bad things they are just different. i didn't know how to though.
then a while back facebook introduced me to the English Disco Lovers (https://www.facebook.com/englishdiscolovers?fref=ts) this is a group who are trying to change the meaning of those three letters. with a simple ambition of becoming the first thing you find when you search for EDL on google.
in a recent status about what happened in woolwich they said We must stand up for peace, equality and unity in order to put an end such violent actions.
that sounds like some pretty good things to stand up for to me.
i'm also lucky enough to play in a band https://www.facebook.com/bequietshoutloud?fref=ts. we're good lads, we like to have fun. our music is influenced amongst other things by disco. disco music is pretty awesome. the bass lines are amazing. we've been known to throw in the odd disco cover to our sets. people dance to them, they have a good time. and the english disco lovers - north east division seem to like us.
so now i'm in a position between playing in a band that loves disco and the english disco lovers existing to be part of something thats good, to try and spread a good message.
peace, equality, love, unity and having a good time are all things that make this world brilliant.
racism, bigotry, hatred and violence are all fucking horrible things.
so click the links i've put in this blog. join the english disco lovers, join the english disco lovers-north east division https://www.facebook.com/EnglishDiscoLoversEdlNorthEastDiscovision?fref=ts if you live where i do, or find your local division and join them. lets spread some love, lets have a good time, make sure you tell everyone you know about this and lets change the meaning of EDL to mean something better than it does right now.
.....well i've just read that back and christ i sound like a hippy. but fuck it, it's better than being a racist cunt aint it :)
Thursday 31 January 2013
Good News!
I'm back! ready to entertain you again with my delightfully irregular and irrelevant blog! i have recently had to blog for work, its all been very serious talking about such things as learning management systems, root cause analysis, the importance of porn in the work-place, food safety and our inter-office weight loss competition, which I am kicking (fat) arse(s) at! So it'll make a nice change to talk about nothing, look at pictures of dogs in hats and make up some incredible lies.
We've come to a common place in my blogs here, i call it the "i've decided to write a blog and got a nice first paragraph but don't know where to go from here" point. It actually happens more often than you'd think, there are hundreds of un-published blogs that have got this far then i give up. I always liked the idea of being a writer but 99% of the time i cant do it so its kind of ruled out as a career option.
The main reason I was inspired (ha inspired, i'm actually wasting time at work) to write this blog is because of the following status i spied on facebook.....
We've come to a common place in my blogs here, i call it the "i've decided to write a blog and got a nice first paragraph but don't know where to go from here" point. It actually happens more often than you'd think, there are hundreds of un-published blogs that have got this far then i give up. I always liked the idea of being a writer but 99% of the time i cant do it so its kind of ruled out as a career option.
The main reason I was inspired (ha inspired, i'm actually wasting time at work) to write this blog is because of the following status i spied on facebook.....
I realise, this blog isn't the kind of blog they are looking for but I now have a burning ambition to interview a great touring band, i guess you could say it's been my lifelong ambition. You may say that my lifelong ambition was to go on the gong show. But I already did that.... we got more gongs than the break-dancing robot that caught fire.
But this is more than that, just think how amazing it would be to interview a great touring band and find out if they too find dogs in hats entertaining, to ask them if they also think monkeys should be given free cigarette's just because they look so good when they smoke! whether or not jose mourinho confuses them (sexually) and if they also claim that things that happened to homer simpson happened to them (partly because its funny when other people believe it and partly because they too are convinced that homer simpsons life is based on their own) and the thing i need to know more than anything else from these great touring bands is..... have they seen starship troopers.
it's a great film.
Monday 10 December 2012
monkey bizness
earlier today i saw a news report on the bbc website called
Monkey in sheepskin jacket on the loose at Ikea in Toronto
and if you cant be bothered to click the link basically you are missing out on this....
yes its a MONKEY IN A SHEEPSKIN JACKET!
this is the best thing you will see all week. you will win the lottery on wednesday and this will still be the best part of the week. your first born will be born on thursday and this will still be the best part of the week.
why?
because monkeys are awesome. that is scientific fact.
LOOK!
 |
| this monkey is smoking |
 |
| this one is riding a bike... WITH STABILISERS |
 |
| this one is wearing a suit |
 |
| this one has a dress on! LOOK! its a monkey in a dress! |
 |
| yes that really is a monkey riding a dog at the worlds greatest rodeo! |
 |
| that is a monkey doing magic |
 |
| and thats a mexican wrestler called flying monkey midget |
my point is proven!
Monday 26 November 2012
pork flavoured tears
i'm being made to watch made in chelsea! i'm not happy.
what have i done to deserve this?
if this was a tv show it would be called "being made to watch made in chelsea" it'd mainly be me sat in the corner frantically typing while occasionally looking up at the screen and saying "fucks sake" a lot.
the rest of the show would be me planning how to kill them all! i'd start by glassing the cunt on screen now with his own champagne flute while the others watched. just as a warning to them.
they'd be given exactly one week to stop being doyles. if they didnt sort themselves out i'd start hunting them for sport. one would die each week.
i think this show would really take off.
i'd watch it if i wasn't in it.
is this acting or reality? whats going on? why do people like this?
if i hadn't been made an amazing tea and eaten my own body weight in pork i would have walked out by now!
its nothing to do with politeness i just cant move at the minute.
i really dont think i will fit in the outfit i am planning to wear on friday night any more.....
what have i done to deserve this?
if this was a tv show it would be called "being made to watch made in chelsea" it'd mainly be me sat in the corner frantically typing while occasionally looking up at the screen and saying "fucks sake" a lot.
the rest of the show would be me planning how to kill them all! i'd start by glassing the cunt on screen now with his own champagne flute while the others watched. just as a warning to them.
they'd be given exactly one week to stop being doyles. if they didnt sort themselves out i'd start hunting them for sport. one would die each week.
i think this show would really take off.
i'd watch it if i wasn't in it.
is this acting or reality? whats going on? why do people like this?
if i hadn't been made an amazing tea and eaten my own body weight in pork i would have walked out by now!
its nothing to do with politeness i just cant move at the minute.
i really dont think i will fit in the outfit i am planning to wear on friday night any more.....
if this pitch works and "being made to watch made in chelsea" gets made then i will go on a diet cos i think that will make a nice killing suit
for fucks sake they are all doyles on this show. there's a fit ginger girl that is such a doyle i'm struggling to fancy her!
i'm going to cry.
the pork was amazing though
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